Sunday, 14 August 2011
Exactly where we are supposed to be.
Alright, it is a little old; this was before the two weeks of bus strikes that prevented me from getting to University at all...and prior also to my moving house the week before that. It's been frenetic to say the least, a Macro-minded (can I even say that?) whinge is probably coming soon.
But I wrote this for you. You need to read it. Enjoy (:
I am sitting here in my University’s brasserie, eating a delicious half-price burrito. They are freaking amazing – packed lunches, lamb shanks, and even free student guild BBQ’s are immediately forgotten if it’s Burrito Day at the Brasserie. Blaring obnoxiously behind my left ear is an American female newscaster on the TV. I have to catch the bus in fifteen minutes.
I have just come from an appointment with the campus’ resident philosopher. They pay him as a counsellor, but mainly we have conceptual discussions – sociological trends, enlightenment and how to get there, mindfulness, the how and the why of the stupid things we do. It connects with me (I’m not there to discuss anyone else am I?) and my life when I connect the dots and figure out “hey, this applies to my situation like <so>.”
Today I realised something profound. Yes, it does have to do with Macrohistory – there are no rules in the big picture about which part of the picture you paint, and that’s what I love about it.
I am in a situation that has enough in common – circumstance, gravity, emotions - with much of my past to trigger a reaction in which I lurch out of the moment and bring the sadness of the past and the fear of the future crashing together. When I am not in that state I can look at the situation and think “Well, yeah, it’s awful, but I know what I am doing, and why, and I know I can handle it.”
So why do I freak out? I know I can’t change anyone who doesn’t have the will to change themselves. I know that my voice is important, even / especially when raised in justifiable anger – the person does a lot to piss me off! I understand what is going on and I know I am strong enough to do what I need to do, to be there, and stay there, and not play the game this person doesn’t even realise they’re playing.
So, why, indeed? I talked and thought and pondered and we came to this conclusion – sadness and depression exist only in the past. You can’t be sad about something that’s happening right now unless you attach right now to an object of sadness in the past. In the same way, fear and anxiety only exist in the future. The only way a person can occupy any of those states of being is if they are not in the moment – if they, as I do when I freak out about this thing, thrust themselves into the past and / or the future.
As Yoda said “Never his mind on where he was, hm? Never his mind on what he was doing. Hm.”
Our little green, surprisingly lithe, friend, had a point, you know. Whatever we are here and now, is what we are, and it’s got to be enough. If it can’t be joyful and positive, it has to at least be enough. You are there because it’s where you want to be, and that’s all. There’s tremendous power in being able to take a deep breath and whisper to yourself “I am exactly where I am supposed to be.”
So keep your mind on where you are, and what you are doing. Your heart will follow, in time – everything worth doing takes practice. And your life is definitely worth it.
There’s far too much to do and see and think and taste and touch and feel and smell and love in life, to waste time fighting the demons inside your head. They’ll never go away, and so the trick is to acknowledge them, to sit with them, to just let them be. Don’t rail and push against them. Render unto you what belongs to you, and unto the devil what belongs to the devil.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be.